2014 Unusual Sex Toys Gift Guide

I wasn't able to find the on-line version of this column that was printed in VUE Weekly last week. So I'm reprinting here.

It’s that time of year again. Time for my annual list of unique and unusual sex themed gift ideas for that hard-to-buy-for pervert on your Christmas list. Here are my top picks for 2014.
Foria Lubricant. There are a lot of personal lubricants on the market but this one is definitely stands out. Foria contains cannabis oil. That’s right, it’s pot lube. The makers of Foria claim that it aids in relaxation during sex and contributes to stronger, more intense orgasms. It sounds amazing, but sadly, you can only buy Foria if you live in California and have a medical marijuana prescription.
Cartoon sex toy vibrators. For those who enjoy adult toys that look like children’s toys, check out this line of cartoon vibrators. These look like giant Lego people with elongated heads (I’ll leave it up to your imagine as to what the elongated head is for). Choose from circus clown, Japanese girl, policewoman, fireman or chef. You can collect the whole set! I would suggest avoiding Japenese girl and policewoman, though, as they look like they’ve got some rather pointed, pokey, plastic hair. Do choose carefully as the website notes that due to hygiene concerns, they do not accept returns.
Teddy Love. If the pervert on your list prefers plushies to plastic toys, you’re in luck. Teddy Love is a soft, huggable Teddy Bear that goes down on you! His cute little nose and tongue vibrate. Settings for the vibrators are in his ears. Grab Teddy’s ears and go! If that isn’t creepy enough for you, consider the instructions for using Teddy Love on guys. “You can flip Teddy Love upside down and the nose can go around the anus and the tongue can touch the taint. “
Light saber inspired flogger. For the kinky geek, or the geeky kinkster, this beautiful leather flogger has a handle that looks just like a light saber from Star Wars – non-functioning unfortunately. You could even pair this with the Light Saber inspired acrylic cane.
Famous Figure Butt Plugs. If they’re more into anal play than vibrators, check out Here you can find a selection of butt plugs in the shape of famous people who seem like the perfect fit for a butt toy. Choose from Duck Dynasty star Phil Robertson, late Westboro Baptist leader Fred Phelps, or Russian president Vladimir Putin.
Luxury Pasties. For the perv with expensive taste, our friends at Coco de Mer in London have a new line of latex pasties at only for $71 a pair. Why so much for latex pasties? Because they’re made by Coco de Mer.
Pearl Royalle. Finally, if $71 pasties are not luxurious enough for that special someone, consider the Pearl Royalle by Australian jewelry designer Colin Burns. Deemed the most expensive vibrator in the world, this toy is solid platinum and is embellished with over 1,000 white diamonds, royal blue sapphires, pearls and pink diamonds. You may need a payment plan for this one. The price tag on the Pearl Royalle is a cool $1 million.