Blended Orgasms are the New Black

Ladies, we have a winner! It appears a we have a new greatest sex thing that you simply must try. A few years ago it was female ejaculation. That's old news now. Now we have......the blended orgasm! I've heard this term several times in the last few months. Lots of women at my parties have been asking me about the blended orgasm and how to have one. I've heard that term in reference to a lot of different things so I didn't really think much of it and just talked about orgasms in general. But it appears that the Blended Orgasm has now been deemed by the popular media as a very specific thing, that being a combined G-spot and clitoral orgasm. Laura Berman was talking about it on Oprah about a month ago and today I found an article in Cosmo all about this latest greatest new orgasm. According to certified sex therapist Dr. Ava Cadell, quoted in the Cosmo article, "By simultaneously having your clitoris and G-spot stroked, you mix the unique sensations of each peak into one, resulting in a longer, deeper experience." Wow, who wouldn't want that?

So really, I have to admit, the article isn't so bad. For many women, rubbing the clitoris while stimulating the G-spot is very pleasurable - and they gives some good ideas for how to do that. My problem is this, the article and this 'blended orgasm' trend in general make women think we are all the same, and we just aren't. I have talked to hundreds of women in my eight years of work in this field and I have met women who have never had an orgasm, women who don't orgasm with partners, women who don't orgasm when they masturbate, women who only orgasm through oral sex, women who hate oral sex, women who have ejaculated, women who hate G-spot play, women who hate vibrators, women who love vibrators, women who have their strongest orgasms during anal play, women who can only have orgasms during penetration, and women who can have orgasms by just thinking about it. So how in the world can we describe one very specific sexual act and say that every woman will have a shattering orgasm from it? What happens then is that the women who try this and find it doesn't work for them think they are either doing it wrong or there's something wrong with them. It's just not a fair and accurate description of sexuality. I wouldn't have a problem with it if it was framed as 'something to try' but these things never are. They are always presented as the very latest and greatest way to have sex that you simply must try now.

And just to be little picky here, trying to reach the G-spot with a penis is definitely possible but not easy. The fancy position described in the Cosmo article in which the woman dangles her legs off the bed and he stands between her legs can work, but usually only if maintains some distance and does not insert his penis all the way, or if he is careful to go more slowly so that there is movement of the head across the G-spot. The article doesn't mention the fact that this spot is located close to the opening of the vagina.

I'm not even going to get into the fact that this article assumes that all women have male partners. That's an entirely other issue.