Cheery O's

Here's a repost of a note a wrote about an Oprah show last spring featuring one of the newer self-declared experts, Dr. Oz.

I was watching Oprah yesterday. This was a health show and they had an 'ask the doctor' question. A woman was asking if there was something wrong with her because she can have many multiple orgasms - anywhere from eight to eighteen! Of course there was raucous laughter and a lot of discussion about how this was not a problem. I'm not going to pick on that. I don't think it's a problem either - neither did she. She was just wondering if there was something weird about her.

What I did pick up on was that the doctor said 'only 15% of women have multiple orgasms'. Okay - I hate it when 'experts' trot out these kinds of statistics. They never explain the stat to you or where they got it from. This guy seems to know a lot, sure, but he is not a sex therapist. Contrary to popular belief, doctors, even urologists and gynecologists, get very little training in actual sexual health functioning. Pleasure and healthy sex is not their game. Bodies and whether they are working right is their game. So they actually don't know a lot about sexual response and everything that is involved. They often know enough to be dangerous and to spew meaningless and scary statistics at people. But anyway, my point is this, that is a stupid thing to say unless you are prepared to explain it.

I have no idea where he got that stat from (my suspicion is that it came from somewhere in the vicinity of his ass). But my guess would be that what it really means is that on that particular survey, 15% of women reported that they have had multiple orgasms. He made it sound as if only 15% of women can have mo's. My firm belief is that every woman can have them, the other 85% just haven't learned how yet.

Some women just have the brain and the body working for them right off the bat. They are comfortable and in touch and easily sexual. They have orgasms early in life and easily. Most women, however, have to learn how it works and have to practice at it to learn how to have orgasms on their own and with partners. It is not as natural as it's made out to be. Once we start learning how it feels and how it works for us, it becomes easier and more comfortable.

I think it's the same with multiples. There is an art to the multiple orgasm. Some women will just have an easy time of it and it will happen without effort. Most will have to work at it. And here is the key. If we want to have mo's with a partner, we need a partner who wants that to and is willing to work for it. I never had multiples until I was with a particular partner who knew (from previous experience) how it can work for women. If a partner pays attention, he/she can tell where a woman is at, what part of her rhythm, if another one is likely to happen, and what is needed to help it along. Of course, we can do this for ourselves, but it's important that the partner is wanting to go for this ride too. All it takes is some willingness to depart from the known and venture into the possible.

Now 18 orgasms in a row is a bit extreme. As she said herself, it's exhausting. So we may not want to aim that high. But certainly two or three is not too much to ask. Don't let anyone tell you that it's not possible.